Thankful for what I have

The soft touch of your palm in mine,
your breath against my neck, as you lie on my shoulder,
the lilting laughter as you ride on my back,
your not so tiny anymore feet curled around my waist,
the brisk beat of your gentle heart,
your warm embrace as you get off the bus and into my arms,
the peek-a-boos and the surprised gestures,
the crack of the baseball bat, and the tilt of your visor on my clap
the sheepish embarrassed smile when you wear the pretty dress that you adore,
the unfailing may I have candy please every time we go shopping,
the squirming and squishing every time I tickle your belly,
the I'm sorry look every time you spill that drink,
the soft-humming of your favorite song with your earplugs on,
the mess of your Lego-toys, and the creative masterpieces of your imagination,
the stick-figures in your comic books and their antics as they make you laugh,
the bright stories of your best friends,
your solemn impish look when you're upset,
the ear-to-ear smile on the way to the theater,
your plan to doze all the way through mass,
the fear on your face, when I'm yelling at you for the extended screen hours,
the high-pitched sharing of your report card scores, and your teachers' compliments,
the twist of your head to catch my glimpse, as you perform on stage,
and thousands more of adorable every day moments, 
they're all mine .. oh they're still all mine!!

I couldn't ask for more, no not a thing more.
I have all that matters in my life, and that is all that I want, all that I need. 


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Written 12.13.13.

Newtown, my heart goes out to you.
I share your sorrow, as I hold each day forward as a precious gift not to be wasted.

My attempt at painting

I'm not too displeased with the results.

World's most beautiful scene

This is not a story. 
 
Due to pressing needs, I was away in India for about an year plus with my kids, us having to be away from my husband  who had to stay back in the US in the meantime. After our stint there we were traveling back via the Europe. It was a clear bright day and the views over the various landscapes throughout the journey were amazing. Especially Lake Geneva was breathtaking. My kids were imagining all kinds of cloud shapes and seemed to be having fun.  Finally we got to the US. My husband of course was right there to receive us. The kids were very tired. We got home to CT, and on the way back saw some snow on the ground though it was April already. Again a beautiful drive as we drove back home and the kids were very excited to see snow again.

The next morning at breakfast, I asked my kids casually, 'What's the best part of the journey that you liked the most, what's the best thing that you saw?'. 

My son's answer blew me away. The then 8 yr old taught me something that day. His eyes shining despite the jetlag, he said "The most beautiful thing I saw was Daddy's face"

The American tipping point

The US has reached a tipping point of sorts with many factors contributing to the endless rage and killings seen in recent times.

On a bright September morning recently, I decided to let my GPS help me wander the back roads within beautiful Connecticut on the way back from a client meeting in a nearby town. As a result, I happened to drive through Newtown, CT and passed by the Sandy Hook elementary school which witnessed the unspeakable tragedy that hurt the collective conscience of humanity and also by the street where the perpetrator lived. When I realized where I was, a chill went down my spine. In another time I might have been in awe of all the grand mansions with sprawling green lawns and endless woods, in the beautiful foothills of the Appalachian trail. But no more so.  All I could see was the social isolation caused by the urban sprawl where kids live in large houses with more room than is likely needed and a cry for friendship or anything else for that matter will not be heard ever, by a neighbor, because of the distance both physical and metaphorical in these times of political correctness. Instead kids and youngsters fight isolation by fighting virtual enemies for endless hours where the real and imaginary become one. The gun and the victims in the game blend into the easily available guns at home, and the easy unaware innocent victims.

But my point is not to say that the urban sprawl, the isolation and video games alone are the cause for such events to have occurred. Instead I opine there are many factors all of which are collectively driving the society towards a brink, the latest in case being the Washington Navy Yard incident.

I decided to summarize  visually as to what I believe are the driving factors.




There are many factors that are all coming to create this unfortunate tipping points for individuals and especially youngsters where they are imploding under the pressure, self-igniting, and hurting themselves and those around them.

I am quite certain that seasoned politicians who are undoubtedly much wiser than myself likely realize this and perhaps an even more complex set of drivers of this societal illness. And yet unfortunately there does not seem to be any solid action that is being proposed that can stem this rot and take the society back to sanity.

Media folks discussing the recent events share the view that if Newtown could not do this, then no other event can get to a much more serious debate on clearly what is one known factor. Easy access to guns.  What should we expect beyond this? What next? How many more lives need to be sacrificed before serious debate begins?  And can the decision makers take the entire picture into perspective, rather than hold their narrow views and agendas above the the lives of many innocent victims.

As a mother I want to know that my kids and all our kids in this country are considered deserving of a secure future. As a contributing citizen I have a right to know the answers. Dear politicians, are you listening?

Tipping Points

Newtown, Washington Navy Yard, Atlanta school (thank God that did not pan out! ) are well known. Here are some more recent tragic events.

8-year-old shoots, kills elderly caregiver after playing video game. 

3-year-old boy among 13 injured in shooting at Chicago park. 

Cop shot unarmed man in Charlotte 10 times (because they thought he had a gun!)

It's how you look at it

-- A SHORT STORY --

He drummed his fingers on the table. His thoughts went back to his childhood when they were kids, living in an idyllic town in the US.  They had played together, shared many family meals, rode the same bus to school together. He was slightly younger than his friend, and had always looked up to him, trying to imitate him in many ways, they had many shared interests, and spent a considerable amount of time together.  That was then, when there seemed to be a peaceful sojourn between their communities.

A lot had changed since, after his Dad's death in a car accident, he had moved back with his mother to 'home', a country unknown to him. He had few friends. Books were his refuge. He wanted to belong. So he read, and read as much as he could about his country and his history.  History as written by his countrymen. It was a new world to him, and the truth as he perceived it. The one central feature in all he learnt was the conflict. The historic, ongoing, bloody conflict with the neighboring country that now spanned more lives on either side than one could ever keep a count of.  As of today, the most recent conflict had been the deadliest, with killings by the thousands on either side.  Tempers, frustration, and a thirst for blood had reached a crescendo.

Here he was now, about to receive a call, that would lead him to a meeting with his one-time friend, who had likewise returned with his family to his 'home' country as well. It was ironic that their lives had taken similar paths, pitting them against each other as arch-enemies at the moment. Now he was charged with meeting the other side, because, given their histories and acquaintance as childhood friends, it was thought he might be able to pull off the ruse of trying to pursue peace, with a call for a ceasefire negotiation. He knew that he had to play the bluff while the army prepared itself, to protect his countrymen, and wreak havoc on the other side. It was a strategy, which he must win. He had to buy that time.

"There's a call from the hospital", the IM window on his screen flashed, with a message from the assistant outside the conference room. He looked at her,  through the glass wall separating the rooms. She was playing nervously with the ballpoint pen, between her fingers, as she returned his gaze. Her expression did not bode well.   His mother had been very ill the past few months. As of this week, the doctors had given her days, at best a few weeks.  It was a stressful time. The doctors could not guarantee if she would ever even speak to him again.

"My call is expected in 5 minutes" he responded to the IM, cutting away from the conversation with his colleagues in the room. The call would tell him and his team the secret destination where he was meant to reach, to carry out the mission.

"Your mother is talking and she wants to talk to you, she insists, you may want to take this for 2 minutes, the doctor says so".

"Have the hospital call my mobile", he responded, staring at his screen, both in awe to learn that his mother was indeed talking again, and in total disbelief at the  timing of the situation.

He pointed his screen to his colleague next to him, gesturing that he would be stepping out for one quick moment. His colleagues knew of his personal situation.

He stepped onto the cold balcony. The early winter chill seeped into his bones.

His mobile rang. The doctor spoke briefly and then handed it to his mother."Mom, how are you? I'll come as quickly as I can. You just hang in there".

"I'm not sure I'll last until you can make it here." his mother responded feebly. "I have something important to tell you."

A colleague opened the door to the balcony and gestured that he had 2 minutes left.

"Mom... can it wait?"

"No," she said and continued, very slowly. "I am sorry that I am doing this at this time, they said you were very busy now. I think I'm alive now, just to tell you this, after this I can go away in peace." .. there was a brief pause, and she continued, and he could hear her panting and gasping for breath. "Do you remember our neighbors in the US?" she managed to say.

"Yes", he said, chilled at the fact that she should mention them now. His true role at the government and what he did for a living was an unknown to her. The coincidence dizzied him.

She continued again, the labor in her voice now ever more audible, "They .. well, that man, is your real father." Then there was the longest pause "I hope you will forgive me, if I don't see you before I die".

It was like a grenade had blasted inside him. His pain was extreme, but his mind went numb.  There was a long silence.

"I have to go now Mom", he said.

He walked back into the room, just as the phone began to ring.

He walked past the table and out of that place, ignoring the ring, and the angry, unbelievable expressions that he was leaving behind.


--- A SHORT STORY --